Flippull

read,only if you're serious,and if you think i deserved to be heard

2010-01-19T06:53:00.003+08:00

today im at the crossroads,of what i should do,of if i should continue doing what i do...im just so sick and tired...everybody rants...but this is on going and irreversible by my own means...i've revisited this question of self worth so many times,and everytime i look back,i feel more and more let down by what i've allowed myself to be...i've never learnt my lesson,not after psle,not after my sec 3(which statistically proved that i wasnt making it in school,3 out of 41 students in my class made it to sec 4,and the few lucky ones like me were pushed up),not after my n-levels(which i had passed with a bared minimal of 10),not after my o levels (that i did so badly i didnt want to go back to church),not even after the second time i took my o levels...this are the facts i know,but i've not accepted...i thought i was exceptional,i thought i was brilliant,i thought i didnt need to try...everytime the reality of it dawn upon me,it just got harder and harder to try to get back on my feet...now im reduced to a scum of the society,right she was,my english teacher...so i am feeling lousy about myself,and there is probably no two ways about it...the educational system works in a way that it caters for all's needs...i would beg to differ by a mile,on the surface it sounds like a practical idea,yea...why not?put those who arent as ready somewhere else where their given more attention?the thought of it is probably appreciated,but having to experience this approach leaves me with a sense of injustice,the idea of it is practical,but how i see it is that,we're a bunch of misled kids left to rot,unless miraculously one day we wake up and then we can face the next bigger obstacle of having the whole class to think the same then we can start class,which never really happens,it then makes it very true that whatever school you go to,makes who you are...that IS the reality...i cannot point fingers,after all i was at the center of all the decisions i can make...whose to blame but myself...if its not enough,that every day we are constantly a step to motivation and a step to procrastination...we have to be subjected to the judgement of people,knowingly or unknowingly,spoken or unspoken,anytime,anywhere,24/7...everyday,our confidence and self esteem is bashed,beaten up and only to know that tomorrow's another day...i can see why people would give up,wont you if you knew this was coming,but your stubborn mind wont succumb to fact that you got to do something,and when you realised it you face your next bigger obstacle,having to wait for the opportunity to...the longer this time is,the chances are higher that you're most likely to lose the hope and the faith the past expirences have build you up to have...you get so tired,so exhausted,so insecured,so angry,but you want to prove that you are worth it,but the end result is always ugly...you do everything but you end up looking stupid and foolish...you try to salvage this,but you make things worst...you end up making those whom you look up to look down on you...so now we have this situation...the society looks down on you,the people whom you adore look down on you,what is the state of your self esteem?where do you gather strength to carry on?if carrying on is so hard to do,wont it be harder to try to make it?theres no mention of God in this one...the reality is,that he was not there,he probably was,but i was never to keen...i never want to rely on him,i didnt think i needed him,im prideful,but thats what my self esteem has taught me to do...whose to blame?(fair enough,im being emo,i know people have their fair share of problems and the world does not only revolve around me....whats the point....)

STEPPING OUTTA THE PAST!!!

2009-05-16T01:39:00.005+08:00

hmmmm i guess i just need to put my thoughts into words,disclaimer guys,im not my emo self hahahaha but ya,it all comes from the heart...i guess im really sick,sick of not achieving anything in life...see most people work hard,for what the want,they have endless goals and targets,different races to run....me?hmmm somebody told me...that i think you are a person whose happy-go-lucky from the outside,but you're pretty empty inside...this person could not have gotten me better...well im lacking in a lot of things,but if theres one thing that im lacking in,it is a goal.Well i was never brought up to set a goal,but really i was never really brought up by anyone but myself...my parents were constantly working in the pursuit of creating a comfortable and happy home for the family...i can never blame them...where would my ipod,my laptop,sally and the rest of the stuff come from...i've never worked towards a goal because i've only gotten to know what it is when i was older...so every time im faced with something i dislike to do,i would try my best to get out of the situation,whether it was skipping school,not doing homework or telling a lie...well i didnt know i spent so much effort into running away that i could have used all the energy to actually do something with my life...i was young,i was naive and i was being promoted everytime...there was no wake up call...so i continued and every time i ran away it became alright,to do the things i do,like i've lost my rational side of thinking...i was then,unable to weight the consequences or the pros and the cons...years pass and time flew by...i am now 19,and i am behind...and im late...for the train that every single 19 year old is taking,i missed the one that the 18 year olds are taking...and now i've to take the ride with people who are 2 years younger than i am...its an awkward feeling,its not so much as a culture shock,but its demoralizing...its demoralizing to meet people,its demoralizing to know people,its demoralizing to converse with people...its demoralizing that if ever i will have children i've got to tell them my story and always say,dont be like daddy...its demoralizing that when i do have kids and when i get into an argument with them,they would say,you done that as well...if only i could go back in time...nope,i dont have to...cause i've got God,and God is all i need,SURE,he will not turn back time,but i am looking at whats ahead...i am not letting my past experiences bound me down,im letting them go...i dont have to stuff myself with self pity,i dont have to care about what others say about me,cause if they loved me,they would be supporting me not tearing me down...and if they didnt like me,im not to please everyone,but im pretty sure theres only a small percentage...hahahaha,im just kidding...well yes i admit,im pretty prone to saying things that are stupid,i laugh a tad bit too loud sometimes and i can be more annoying than i am interesting hahahahah,i am pretty much a boring guy...but ya i have more things to offer than my inequities...HAHAHAHAA,you guys are like...ya whatever that pleases you lah dude...hahaha but ya,im willing to listen to anyone...im kaypoh enough to want to know...hahahah but no i dont just want to hear it,i want to share it with you whether its pain or its joy,im just like that,created a social animal to help,straight up....no strings attached...i dont have any reason to want to do it as well...it is built in me...HAHAHHAHA,i dont know what this post is for,and im not addressing myself to anyone at all,okok maybe you....im not trying to buy you over with my story,but im just bored on a friday night...wanting to pour my heart out to a blog some didnt know existed,haha...anyways i've overheard two guys talking about something and that one dude was saying"wow,shes like not superficial at all,shes real and shes down to earth,she makes a pretty good friend"then i was like BOOM!!!!,this is what singapore needs,people who dont judge you by your grades,people who enjoys being with you for who you are not what your grades make out of you...im not saying that people who have good grades turn out like that but if they are not like that they are more respectable...i know afew(:(:people who are REAL...who have REAL problems...if we were born to this earth to be judged,we would have looked like fishes in the market,but we are not...sometimes people go around picking out people from the crowd like eh this girl's face like my ah ma making rempak,WHOA MAN!!!,whose anyone to judge,God dont even call us ugly...hahhaha but its pretty true....what im getting at is dont let your ego get ahead of you...theres nothing to prove by putting someone else down...which of these do you take with you to heaven,or to hell if the electric storm were to take all of you??Your looks?your certificate achievements?your possessions?your assets?God wont judge you by that and yes im still saying im not saying that their not important...God looks into your heart...sure,you may say you know....i've got lots of time to change that,im enjoying life,i dont have to start now...and i've got better things to do with my life at this point of time...ask yourself...what are you living for...cause life will really be cheap if you measure it by your possessions,your assets,your looks...life is more than that,and life is a blessing,to you and you are a blessing to the world...so start blessing,start living life like how God wants you to,a life of encouragement,of love,of understanding and of peace of mind to everybody...you only get to live once and do it well with gusto,and with praise in the Lord...if theres one thing i've learnt in perth this would be it...through the people,through their lives,through God...please dont be shy at all to acknowledge you've read this,after all,its just me,i would love to talk about this in person,about your views and about your ideas...and remember,im made to be kaypoh and its built in me!!hahahaa if you've made it through to the bottom,thanks for reading...and talk to me so you dont have to read such a long post next time hahahhaha,again it may very well seem like a post to try to make myself feel better,it maybe...

2008-12-10T00:24:00.005+08:00

yes im officially the biggest fool in the world...i should have known better...than to be on auto pilot while sharing...it was insensitive,immature and just very dumb...i wish i could turn back time...but im assuming its something that God wants me to learn from...why??cause i've been running on auto pilot for too long...saying things that i dont mean...letting my mouth go free without thinking....its time to be sensitive,its time to start thinking about what i wanna say before letting it out...when somebody said,speaking quickly without pauses is not always accurate...i now know fully the meaning of it...i think it is the biggest regret in my life and i have never felt more of an arse before...like i've said....God loves to deal with me with pain...and he should be doing it....yes cause that always works...like the time i was hit in the head for being cocky and egoistic...yes i deserved it and that time i didnt do well in my os...yes that i deserved too...God is wonderful...because he knows just how to deal with me...even though it hurts a great deal...but because of these hurts in life that it actually builds me up...its my cry out to you God...help me deal with all these troubles that are ahead...and give me a tongue of sensitivity,kindness and encouragement...anyway about the camp...i truly enjoyed myself this camp...it has revealed to me things that i never knew and im glad i was there to see all these happenings...its a pity that we dont have so much rest and recreation to catch up with part of sparkers...it was some 2 years ago...those were good times that i really treasured...all that randomness,name games,captains ball,late night conferences and birthday celebrations...and now its being reduced to not even speaking to each other...hope this holiday...God may give us the opportunity to catch up with each other...if anything i have taken away from the camp its time to convict and be consistent with God...he has been real to me and bless me with a whole lot...its time,time to do something about it and to readers please pray for me....hahah balderdash is a super awesome game...its taken board games to another level...I.A.W.P.R can turn out to be iced agar with poached rabbit...or i am walrus please rescue or i am writing pure rubbish...hahaha it was honestly so good a laugh i thought i built abs...its camps like this i learn to appreciate what the church has done,putting in years of hardwork into it to create such a wonderful community...im glad that i've found God again...if not i really do not know what i would have become...

2008-08-11T22:45:00.001+08:00

i blame it on my guts...or is it something else

2008-07-28T19:46:00.007+08:00

wooo...im now officially the happiest person for the moment...haahha...why? you may ask?!?!...never done so well for maths and all the other subjects...although i took the common test today...im pretty confident and theres no need to wait till the results to be revealed to me...hehehe...so egoistic...oh well...that aside...yesterday was a super horrible day not because of church but the ride home after church...mom wont stop putting me down,and the worst of all its that when she went into frenzy mode...she'd keep going and became more and more blunt...how is it not humiliating for your own mother to be criticizing and putting you own infront of another family...i was pretty happy with myself that i didnt rebuke or rebel...after the sleep last night...the agony and anger subsided...if theres anyone who doubts me...especially a particular someone that was mentioned...know this for a fact that im trying...if you dont come home and see me studying...thats your fault and not mine...cause i'd be already sleeping...so dont make accusations,false assumptions and openly tell people what is not true...who in the world would put their own children down...i know if i were a father...i wouldnt...there is a super uber duper thick line between discipline and discouraging...thanks for nothing...and i hope you'd put away that other half of you thats sarcastic,irrational and unethical...before...oh well...and to YOU...THE PARTICULAR SOMEONE NOT MENTIONED ABOVE...ITIMY

Come a long way but have yet to move an inch

2008-07-23T22:40:00.011+08:00

long time no blog....heehehe...well im getting a macbook!!!weeee...finally the time to be laying down some new tunes...talk about time...im a good 2 months away from my o levels...uh huh the second time...well im just glad i've got the chance to redeem myself...not too long ago i remember the agony of not doing too well...i knew it after the papers...but i was in denial...thinking i could at least make it through...but well...thats not the case for me..its pretty much a blessing in disguise...i've been scraping through life too many times...and its God's way of telling me..."LOOK BOY,ALL THESE WILL HAVE TO STOP,SO GIMME YOUR BEST..",well ok he's probably not that funky but im sure its a wake up call alright...i remember after the very moment i collected results...i was worried,no,more like paranoid...that feeling is like walking on the plank...and just not getting off it...it was 24/7...i was so scared i could have cried like a girl...but being the man i was(hahhahahah)...i knew something should be done and i just cant give it all up...i thank God for my friends...whom came up with so many options for me...but well i chosed to retake my o levels...based on the fact that i knew i've messed myself up and its till to put away that old me and start to strive...well looking back...i feel more motivated than ever...but can that guarantee the same thing wont happen???i'd just have to give my best and i'm gonna always struggle doing that because its easier to be doing your worst than giving your best...so i ask...for all that read...and understood...to pray for my endurance...(: anyway end off with a couple of photos since the last fishing trip with alvin...heehehehhe the biggest thrill we got was that alvin's rod almost swang off the jetty into the sea due to this huge bite that got away with our bait!!!!

had i only placed my phone there,they'd probably look smaller than they actually are

Noah,never hesitating when this guys gets hooked up

says who we only got tambans...we got a big lobster...thats darius heheh

2007-08-13T20:04:00.000+08:00

AGH!!!!!!!!
IM NOT STAYING FOR LONG...
ITS KILLING ME

2007-06-13T00:32:00.000+08:00

EVERYBODYS CHANGING AND I DONT FEEL THE SAME....DANG!

2007-03-21T20:49:00.000+08:00

again....im cranky...im cranky blogging now...aint a good thing...well im just sick of a couple of things...sick of people having 2weeks old motivation and dying out after that....sick of myself not able to learn quick...sick of having to juggle my life,the guitar,the books and my fitness...and worst...sick of knowing if i dont do all of the above im gonna be miserable...well...i dont know why i have to put myself through this over and over again knowing i'd be fine...its weird...sometimes i really can't comprehend...at other times im just stoned in space...school's not too bad...just that insommia is putting me to sleep in class...on the bright side...its in another years time that i dont have to wake up in unearthly hours...soo....woowee to that...hope school's going fine for everyone else...do tag...like oehlers says gimme some stones....YeA~~~~

06/03/07 HUR~~~

2007-03-06T22:53:00.001+08:00

anyway last week was pretty good,except for the flu part that made me drag my body everywhere like a dead corpse.Kevin really did rosli proud,it was a good opening,hear me river of love has got to be one of my favourites off ros's album.The band played well,bassist definitely stood out with his funky progressions...well i hope whoever thats gonna be in my band is of this standard or better.Wrote a couple of progressions and lyrics,wonder how people will react to it.Started lessons with rosli on saturday,was excited...but didnt touch the guitar...was focusing on what i was there for...that is of course to set my priorities right.Dont get me wrong,im not saying that im not gonna studying and play guitar all day...im gonna strike the right balance and neglect neither one of them and definitely not neglect God.But how will i get about doing that???suggestions please?!?!have been studying well this few days but not before this...didnt do well in my CA...expected as i didnt put abit of effort into studying from January tilll just last week...well im happy that im begining to pay attention in class and start to do my work regularly...have to study hard!!!!!if there are anyone who have healthy study habits please do use the tagboard!

CREEP-RADIOHEAD

2007-02-09T21:01:00.001+08:00

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so f*cking special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so f*cking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
She's running out the door
She's running out, she run, run, run, run, run
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so f*cking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

2007-01-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

well after a couple of weeks of the local debate show...i admire the courage of the contestants...being able to juggle language and thinking on their feets upfront...in front with some 60 people in the studio and thousands at home watching the tv....something that i observed was that singaporeans find it very difficult to agree with a logical explanation by an opposition...i think that in that situation if the contestants were to agree...they would show a hint of weakness in them...that will let the judges have a very easy job deciding whose gonna win...but in our daily lives...it is as common as it is...well we all have a big ego in us...and hence we dont like to be corrected in things we say...we all do not like to show our weakness...and so we come up with something that is usually illogical and ridiculous...and no sooner after that we find ourselves...talking cock....hahaha excuse the word....most appropriate...singapore's national past time....what I'm trying to say which i find very easy to relate with is that....sometimes we'd just have to agree to what sounds logical and not continue to rebut people with nonsense...we'd have to understand that not everything we're talking about is like humanities...where there is no clear line between the right and wrong...somehow...when you agree with whatever that may sound logical....we all learn more interesting facts enhancing ourselves...and friendships would be built up easier when we give and we take...rebut me anyone?lol im not addicted to the arena....just very entertained....and YES WE SHOULD NEVER CRITICISE THE GOVERNMENT ON A LOCAL TV SHOW...LOL.....

2007-01-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

well....2007 dont seem to be a bad year after all....i didnt get hit in the head...yet....anyway school's all as it should be...and my teachers arent too bad...the size of the class is rather small...therefore less distractions...the classes are pretty evenly spread out and the canteen food remain miserable...can't help but noticing every single teacher trying to encourage us to work harder this year....here the focus is encourage...unlike how they use to do it awhile ago....they are actually encouraging us....somehow im thankful for that but im also irritated by it....towards the end of the n levels last year....they have been encouraging us to strive...and so the results came out....it was a massive improvement from 66.9% passes to 82.4% and that was about 18% more than the average...and therefore they think that their theory works...so they'll start doing it every other day....its always the same old sentence "you all can do it one,all of you have proven worthy of your position this year,and so continue working hard"...in about 48 hrs i have heard it from several teachers and i must admit...its starting to get on my nerves...im starting to think that they dont mean what they say anymore....its like apologising...the more you do it the less sincere it gets...other than that schools rather tiring...have been trying to adjust myself to the timing of waking up at 6 every morning without feeling the lack of sleep...so far...i've not acheive it yet....well it'll probably take me a week to do so....will be going down to singapore poly for open house tomorrow...the courses are very attractive...but i have yet to know what i want...my interest or money making????....i need some advice on that...people that arent so youthful anymore...please tag me...well thanks for reading...see you again

2006-10-29T21:10:00.000+08:00

after about 2 weeks of work im here to blog....anyway work's really boring...day in day out...gst forms and more gst forms...have been down with fever for 3 days...i guess its healing...i think that i should stop putting my self down and start living life with a more positive approach...God works in many ways...thank God i had Saturday and Sunday off...i was glad i attended the little discussion on temptations today...brought back a couple of key points...in whatever the situation when tempted...flee immediatly...why???from temptation it will lead to the conceiving of a lie...and it will give birth to sin...and than it comes death...i find it useful when you are about to be tempted...you trace the effects of temptation...the effects is death...the price to pay is death...and so....is it worth?in the kingdom of God there is no compromise...therefore it is for you to choose...in the light of God...or darkness with satan...in times of temptations and almost compromising...turn to the Lord in prayer asking him to remove whatever evil intentions and to replace them with blessings...i think this week has been rather tough had to wake up at 5.30 yesterday to join chee fei in a walkathon...met a couple of his friends and saw chang yan helping out with the marshalling...quite an enjoyable but really tired day as i sleep at 1 yesterday after watching survival...woot....asians kick butts...they won the immunity idol for the first episode...how awesome is that...woke up 9 this morning to meet matthew and gang for captainsball...boy was it fun...havent had such a great time in weeks...annabel!!!! hope your leg is fine...boy do i miss them....havent seen them in two weeks cause of work...sigh tmr's working night shift....gotta run...

2006-10-26T22:04:00.000+08:00

well...alittle reply to the tags...you guys have been very very helpful...and those are some of the nicest tags i received...but i guess having to so called "wallow myself in my own self pity" is where i find security...i really think that nowadays there are few who really listen to the needs of people...or probably i'm just seeking attention...what would you say?i realised im so different from everyone else...everyones good at something and im not...wait...correction...i know what im good at doing...and that is nothing...can it be that my expectations are too high??and to dale...honestly to tell you when you dont have looks or wealth you are nothing at all in this world...

2006-09-16T02:56:00.000+08:00

i realise i always blog at the weirdest times....anyway just came back from a bad day of running away from security guards,long wait for the prata man to serve us and long night of running around shunfu...sigh...alot of thoughts came through me as i was talking to kent...few of the facts are...when you are handsome,slim and attractive...everyone want to be a part of you...if you're like me you're probably all alone...reality is no one really cares about who you are and that bites...sad but true...and at the current stage of life where our emotions open up...its hard to survive looking at someone you love but you know you can't take that chance...you feel so lousy about yourself and you have God to blame...wherever you go...whenever you take the bus...you'd wish that someone would coincidentally take the bus too...but it never happens...you can't sleep cause all you thing about is her and you being a nobody...that is awful and undesirable but thats life...

2006-08-05T01:42:00.000+08:00

wow dashboard confessional's new album is awesome....just saw the new video on mtv....seems like the scientist by coldplay really made an impact...cause now the trend is repeating....and yes...it is the video being played backwards....anyway most of the tracks are pretty good as usual...realised that Tom Delonge has grown quite abit...from blink 182 to box car racer and now angels and airwaves....but something about him always stays the same...the lyrics about girls,love and that same-o unchanged voice of his...i think the progression of the songs for angels and airwave have been kept to Tom's likings...the progressions are always the same...the drum beats without Travis is very very plain and pale...and its time for them to widen their scales and start to make good materials...dont get me wrong but Tom's prescence is making his bandmates disappear cause he has been there for awhile...anyway Keane's expiriment is kinda unsucessful...they should keep to their old mysterious style...somewhere only we know is a great hit....and so is everybody's changing...not forgetting this is the last time...i think it should be kept that way....the vocals then were smooth and very soothing but their new hit is it any wonder killed that soothing voice of the lead...For local stuff...concave scream is growing...they have very interesting effects in their songs...especially horizons...when i first heard it i thought it had to do with the childhood song "rain rain go away" but after that a liking grew in me...the lead singer's voice is just so fitting into this specific type of music...this album is definitely worth your 18 bucks...haahah never had such a long music update...oh well see ya again

2006-06-14T14:29:00.000+08:00

im always wondering...where could i have been...if i were smarter,if i were richer,if i looked a whole lot more appealing,if the ones whom im living with is not my parents and siblings,if my name wasnt joachim tan wei rong,if i didnt make so many mistakes in my life...where could i have ended up...i realise that whenever i look at that scar...it always brings me back to all the stupid things i've done...why....i've been such a hypocrite all my life....always expecting from others but never giving...always thinking that im the crowd starter and let people run to me instead of me running to them...always self-reliant...and when i rely on myself too much...i find myself in the dumbest situation...always thinking im right and trying to prove people wrong...its really really hard to believe that God created the world...when you hear that...what is in your mind...does it seem as though it is possible...when you look at everyone around you...do you think that the ones who started it was adam and eve?if you didnt get what is infront it doesnt matter...but what im trying to say...is that...what if...God wasnt the one who created me...and if he did why did he put me through all this....

where would i be....

2006-06-12T18:49:00.000+08:00

this guy....he is pretty messed up...he's not very good academically and he isnt rich...he's pretty much always learning to get rich...his get rich schemes arent very effective...he has two different groups of friends...one of which he has shared a camp with...one of which treats him like a atm machine...he feels very lonely even though he has this two group of friends...and he'd always been left out very often because he does not know what to talk about...even in the hardest thing...the most obvious of his hints cannot buy a friend to ask if he's ok...one day...he felt that he really grew closer to someone of which is in one of the groups...but he thinks that she is way out of her lead...and he has alot for that girl...he feels very lousy and his self esteem is low...he has no idea what to do....what should he do?

muster ever ounce of confidence i have
for you i will....
For you i will(Teddy Geiger)

2006-06-10T22:11:00.000+08:00

well...im here again...anyway...happy birthday wenxin....one year older...eye bags one inch longer...height...1cm shorter....ok i'd stop...i've been reading loads of blog this two days...and i realise...people are trying really really really hard to be someone else just to fit in...it is too easy to be catching them off guard...i guess we're living in a world that peer pressure changes your personality...i realise that people whom i use to know arent themselves anymore...well...i guess for me...theres something for me to relate to with everyone else...i dont have to be into something that my friends like because i want to fit in...matthew is an awesome example of a person whom does not let peer pressure stop him...hahah...laid back and cool attitude...he does not have to fit in with others...being himself makes many interested in what he does...God made man to be unique...if we all wanna fit in...God's plan will all go to waste...like When i come around by Greenday says...."So go do what you like,make sure you do it wise".....dont do things that you'd look back in your life and say that i was one damn ass not a very long time ago....its a message out to everyone...be original...probably those whom you like to mix with dont like you....but its in Gods plan to send better friends in His time...well im off...do tag...and give your thoughts!

2006-06-09T22:59:00.000+08:00

this past week has been very tiring....waking up at 6.30 not for school but to go to church for the children's camp...it was definitely worth it as many of the kids did enjoyed the games...well i would say all the things that we've all gone through have not gone to waste...well i learnt alot from this camp...firstly...i learnt that kids can be not as innocent as they look...secondly...jeanette can be very feirce...thirdly...God is there...all you need to do and ask and you will receive...why did i just realise that....it was because the youth camp one week ago bonded me with God...and then i noticed that my life has never been better since then...from flaging a cab to stopping the rain...as long as i prayed...God answers.... For the children's camp...it was wonderful being able to work with kids...although sometimes it maybe very frustrating...but kids are just kids...if i were as young as them i would have done the same...i gotten to know kids like...bryan,david,marcus,clement,fredrich,francise and more better...and it was a pretty good expirence i guess...and those at the games centre...people like annabel,terrence,angela,darius and jeanette much better...also the music people like audrey,eunice,auntie yoke chan and gang....hhahahahahha now i know who is auntie eunice,auntie magret and lets see i have forgotten hahaha when i think of it i will post again see ya

2006-06-05T17:15:00.000+08:00

after looking at the rest of the angorian's post...i realised ok....i should try too....names names names...for my team,pesca...i'm very grateful for all the members...Terrence...the person who made a super big impact in my life since i just came to angora...to all he's a big brother that always be there for us to cheer us up...and he's always able to be spoken to...able to listen and provide the best advices without having to be dishonest about anything...thanks man...you have kinda become my older brother in this process...for Nigel i must say you are very different from all the rest...you have this strong bond with God that even peer pressure cannot break...you displayed alot of your leadership skills and love through the camp...having to see you grow up to take care of the younger ones is an expirence i would never forget...for Jun...its very nice to see you being able to join us in this camp...i was quite happy to see you having that never give up attitude at treasure hunt...and i was quite happy to see you sharing alittle more about yourself...for Claudia...i've kinda gotten to know you abit more...you are very easily amuse but you'd have to open up alittle more...sorry for neglecting you at the skit...for Natalie...you're quiet but that didnt stop you from sharing things that were personal to you....for Xi min...you've been a great team member to me...helping me to explain things that i couldnt and able to be enthuiastic when we werent...and cheered us on to continue...for Audrey....you know it ....whenever im not too happy about something....you're always there to feel the same....which make us like sisters...lol...anyway thanks for the expirence too...for Uncle Chris...you have definitely made me closer to God...you are an ideal father...thanks for the guide with the guitar....for Matt...haha thanks for able to be like a sister to me also...haha for some reason...and thanks ALOT for missing out the pesca skit...i kinda know Auntie Pearlyn abit better...while Uncle Chris is the ideal dad....you're the ideal mom...if you are able to earn respect from the girls...you're definitely a very awesome person...for Chang yen ....it was fun seeing you laugh and going high...and being able to bomb you...and that personality of yours is super fun to be with...for Eunice....on a serious note...sorry for not being able to kneel down...there were loads of things going through my head...and i couldnt make a decision...you have proven yourself to be efficient and helpful throughout the cause of this camp...you're not afraid to be emotional....cause the fact that is you want to see us all inherit the kingdom of God...for Victoria..i learnt from you that a three letter word God...could actually have a big impact in your life...being able to see you cry because of God...made me guilty and also made me feel the prescense of God in you...for Joel...you are one tough dude...you are always energetic and you are super aggresive in captains ball...you're able to settle down when you need to and be enthuiastic when you need to...that is very enviable...for Daryl...i wouldnt say i knew you better but...its been fun having to be able to talk to you about naruto and stuff...realise that you can be a very good actor..for Diana...while Terrence is the older brother....you're the older sister...you're always there to give good advice like Terrence and being able to see you come back everyday after work is an encouragement to me...:)...Wayne...you are one very obeservant person...able to tell when people are not feeling very well...and just the little things that you ask...made me realise that you were more then an average kid...Angela thanks for being a friend...always being there to ask if i was ok and thanks for the milo...i've seen you take on a big role as a leader and inspired me to be one too thanks...Edgar...you're just nuts...in a positive way...hahaha the ogre skit was entertaining and you are usually the one who cheers us all up...for Elaine...quite happy to see the thrist in you for God...you're able to stand out among the people in your age group and show how desperate you are towards God...for Jeanette...having to see you being busy all the time made me guilty...you had to juggle between your school and church...which is a big sacrifice...and being able to be tolerant towards the younger ones...really showed your level of maturity...for Theon...i know it wasnt easy to be in this camp...having to people to look at you in a stereotype and not being able to redeem yourself...i was expecting you to leave soon enough cause of the pressure your roomates were giving you but i was impressed...for Andre....wow...where should i start...you've kinda inspired me to do everything in the light of God...you werent afraid to tell the campers what you felt in your heart and being able to see the emotional side of you...made me look at you no more being the person who i'd always team up with against audrey...:) for Aunty Suay Hong...you are one strong woman...i'll never see another auntie trying to keep up with young people running...and you have the funniest places to hide... for Debbie i know you abit better....you seem to always feel tired...but the camp design was very approperiate...and like Jeanette and Diana...was able to attend this camp even though you had school...hahah i think i stop here cause if i dont i'd have the fear that my computer would shut down on its own...i would have a million more things to say when i come to think of them....its a really good camp...and i'd never regret not going to mongolia...cause im here with my family the ones that will inherit the kingdom of heaven with me...:)

2006-04-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

after quite awhile i'm back here....hmmm been pondering over somethings lately....anyway went to uncle chris's grandmother's wake today...it pretty much didnt seem like a wake cause me and ben and darius were playing cards and talking all along...anyway was pretty surprise to see the girls there today....i'm really in confusion this past few weeks...i mean have you seen something that you like behind the glass sitted nicely waiting for you to buy it but you just know you cant afford it....thats how i feel...

2006-03-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

dang...wonder why god gives free will...if only i knew and if only she did...its killing me...its like sliting your wrist and waiting for blood to finish oozing out...its torture...

2006-02-24T20:55:00.000+08:00

i enjoy every hour every minute every second having to be talking to you even if its just online...so please dont go away

2006-02-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

yea the truth hurts...

2006-02-12T21:44:00.001+08:00

back here another week...well this week was a bummer...yesterday...went to skate park at somerset to skate at 9am...thought there wasn't much people in the morning...well i was wrong...oh well skated anyway...sprained an ankle...sat down and pray...got up and landed a 3 deck high variel flip...next time should sprain more and pray more...been wondering for this whole week about this few things...wondering how to deal with people whom arent in favour of my own eyes...wondering who to ask even though i have someone in mind for valentines day....wondering what to do and how to celebrate it with her...wondering if i should or i should not ask her out...sigh...sometimes i wish i didnt exist...i would like to see what the world will be like without me...probably it wont make much of a difference...believe me this is not trying to feel sorry for myself and beg people for sympathy...what i do all day i sleep,eat,release,skate,eat somemore,sleep somemore...i realise i dont have much purpose in life...and i dont get why i should persue in trying to find a purpose...anyways im starting to think why in the world would i place a piece of wood under my leg and inflict pain upon myself...i guess many people think that i do that for the purpose of acting cool...hmm heres the model 10 year series answer i skate because i cant study hahaha....thats stupid...ok to be more serious...skating is like something that take me away from temptations...like smoking,eating accesively,trying to cause trouble,being a couch potatoe...its something that i take pleasure in doing...it takes you probably a week or two or even a month to land a trick and when you finally do...you'd feel satisfied...thats why i love skating...anyway on a serious note again...to add on onto what i've written in the past week...i honestly hope you change...please...your voice have been irritating me and been ringing in my head all week...please learn to listen more then you talk...i'd help...much appreciated tell me...when will you be mine tell me quando quando quando

2006-02-05T22:16:00.000+08:00

i'm begging you to leave me alone....please!!!!i cant stand another minute of it...please!!!!if you bother....try to be at least abit more realistic...i'm begging you...please

2006-01-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

hmmm somehow i feel that i'm quite pathetic...i'm starting to feel i'm an outcast everywhere i go...i wish i could go back to the good old days where...my class was together and no one felt left out...or is it me...did i asked for it...i mean i always wished i was a loner...but now i feel otherwise...i think its because of all this negative thoughts in my head...everytime i look at someone i don't like...i never see good in that person...i guess theres good in everyone and hopefully i will learn to see it that way...and my endurance level is super low...i can hardly keep up with what i set myself to do...its not that i dont have inspiration...its just that i'm plain lazy...and everything depends on my mood...hopefully i can fight that and that find my ways...also,since its a new year i hope all disputes in 2005 will be forgotten and forgived...and lastly to those that werent really happy with me...i would like to say sorry...i hope i would be forgiven whether it is the minor or major problems...

2006-01-03T14:24:00.000+08:00

today was rather good...well first day of school....lets start from about 6.30...woke up and met up with wayne and mr jairus had to be late so we missed a bus...and after that we couldnt decide to take 59 to school or the mrt...and then we made up our minds to take the mrt...got to school and realise my form teacher was again mdm azizah...sad...but she seemed to have change alot during the holidays...we had loads of fun talking crap and even teasing sook sin...hahah and we were incredibly high during chinese...nothing better to do...so we shouted alot of stuff...lol...overall its a good day...just hope all that screaming and shouting doesnt really give my teachers a bad impression of me...gotta start working hard...see you guys

2005-12-15T02:24:00.000+08:00

its 2:25 now...sigh...i'm here all alone....missing everyone thats outta singapore and those whom i've not seen for awhile...amazing race was awesome...the linz family won...i guess kinda predictable...but the bransen family just lost by abit quite sad....well anyway...other then band practices,guitar classes,sleeping,sketching,eating....havent been really down to anything...i feel like i'm wasting my holidays away...somebody please ask me out before i die of boredom...also...many of the songs that we all hear is going out mainstream...sigh that sucks...soon all the ah bengs will be listening to them...and then next they'll come up with a techno remix for it...cut people who bothers to listen to music some slack...although bands going mainstream is not a very good thing...radios are still good...nowadays theres so much on the radio....lol mutton song and ramly burger....entertaining at certain times...and sadly another deck broken sigh...can sense it coming cause i have been using it as an umbrella...if you dont understand...water causes wood to rot....anyway...this year is gonna be a bore...christmas is just gonna be cards for me...i'm broke...dont even have money to buy my deck...booo...gotta run...watching that 70s show.....miss you guys...come back soon!!

2005-12-01T20:20:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling terribly bad...boooo....my comments were super insensitive...dumb me

2005-11-22T18:20:00.000+08:00

i love my church friends....hahahhah thanks for the day...ok i had so much fun,it took my mind off to end all the pain and misery...ok lets start from yesterday...i was all prepared to go for church for an overnight/jamming/fellowship with my church group...anywayi was boarding the bus and i noticed two indian man was on my tail...then i tried to avoid them by going to the last sit of the double decker bus...and they followed me...gosh...they kept touching my bag...i was like so freaked out and when my stop came i rushed down the stairs....super freaky...anyway this is crap...it started off with monopoly with matthew,andre,xi min,nigel and me...then we realised monopoly was kinda lame...haha so we went to jam at the worship hall...and we played three songs...and after that quite exhausted...so go to the room to watch a movie on a portable dvd player hahaha...we watch hitch hikers...quite funny show but super boring at times....and after that off to sleep...haha suprisingly...the smallest of us...xi min snored...hahah i was pretty not in the mood to sleep...cause matthew had to be messaging his friend haha....it was like 3?haha anyway didn't get much sleep...woke up and its the amazing race...it was super fun...haha it was a super big effort by the ICs of the event...they did a good job putting everything together...hehe...and we really have to thank nigel...seriously...he is the one who bothered to piece this event up...and he is also the one who accepted all the criticism...and in the end he is also the one who kena heatshot by me...hahahaha...not forgetting andre,ximin,edmund and enuice's efforts...i really enjoyed the whole event especially the water games and captains ball..haaha...can see angela's softball trainings paid off alot...annabel is still as skillful haha...dynamic duo with terrence...you two really scare me...wen xins...is still long lasting...and her reflexes...hehe...matt is still sticking his belly out when he catches the ball hahah...nigel...something new....chinese accent..hahah dude you crack us all up...hah...i'm sorry about the comment i made to matthew...that was pretty offensive and insensitive sorry...sometimes stuff really spill outta my mouth...i have no idea why...but back to point one i love my church friends

2005-11-20T00:38:00.000+08:00

dang the plan failed...somehow someone had to come in and spoil the plan...wouldnt it be better if misery was all taken away...and by doing that it forms a chain reaction...and it would be like a whole of eventful thing to celebrate...sigh...this life...i cant live...i cant take all the pressure on me...i was about to be retained...however my results passed me...and the teachers were discussing if i should be promoted because of my performance in class...highness they might say...its just the sugar content in the morning...sigh...anyway thankfully i was promoted...this other problem...my best friend...shes really pissed at me...really really pissed...like many say...whats done is done...and also like many say i wish i could go back in time...but i cant...and the thing is i dont even dare to tell her how important this friendship was...and on fine day...i was on the verge of wasting myself...i was let down more...when she said no more friends...on that day loads of things happened...like my family...is in debt...and my parents quarrel all the time...and they start pushing the blame to me...then my promotion is affected...and some thugster below my house threatens me and my family...and then my best friend said we should stop being friends...what more...this might sound very minor for many but seriously to think of it...suicide is more appropriate...see if i had done that...i dont have to worry about promotion...and if i was dead...my family could pay off their debts...the thugster can be damn guilty that i may haunt them back...it seemed like a package deal...i was doubting my importance in this world...so so so much...and i was thinking...if i were to be dead...the only thing that happens is people would be weeping for 3 days? and after cremation back to life...life goes on?...thats very normal aint it...and somebody had to come in...to stop it...i wont say who and i wont say what happened...but i wish that best friend of mine would have forgived me for what i had done...i am such a dumbscumbag...its always things that spill outta my mouth that ruins my life...i'm really really sorry....and on that day i was really hoping there was somebody there for me...but i was let down...thats came before all the drama...sigh...red and black~...sigh

2005-11-10T23:20:00.000+08:00

i'm really really sorry if i made it sound like i was forcing you...but honestly...who knows me better than you do...and when her name is involved...you know how excited i get...i really didnt mean to make it sound like as though you were an extra...sorry... :(

2005-11-01T01:28:00.000+08:00

corner view of the place where love lies

2005-11-01T01:21:00.000+08:00

interesting spectrum...spreads like a buttefly

the biggest loser

2005-10-18T22:44:00.000+08:00

the biggest loser
you are always the one always pulling me downyou needed me to save your buttfrom the ones that you pissedcause you're always acting biginfront of the frail and weakand humble and smallinfront of the big and strong you think you're all of ityou speak of liesalways contradicting thats who you arethe biggest loseryea the biggest loser
your sense of dressingis worst then transversitesyou think its cool but the critics think that you're a manwhoreyou think you know it allbut you're just another poseuryou arent orginal not even closeyour personality is dividedto people whom you adoresucking up is what you do best and thats just whatyou are cause you're the biggest loseryup~ the biggest loser
you dream so much but you do so littleyou think you know so muchbut its just the oppositeand when things do happenyou can only sigh andstay afraid you dont havethe guts to stand up tallcause you're the biggest loser
why cant you learnthat humans are not perfectthe more you try to bethe further away you are from ityou think you are so perfectwell others will have to wait tilthey know you alot betterand they will find thatyou're the biggest loser

2005-10-13T20:28:00.000+08:00

Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday I`ve -
Got a lot of things to learn
Said I would and I believe in one day -
Before my heart starts to burn
So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new... don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away
Times are hard when things have got no meaning
I've found a key upon the floor
Maybe you and I will not believe in the things we find
Behind the door
So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new... don't you know
That cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows, yeah, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
If you're leaving will you take me with you
I'm tired of talking on my phone
There is one thing I could never give you
My heart will never be your home
So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new... don't you know
That cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows, yeah, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
The way it's gonna be, yeah
Baby, I can see, yeah... don't you know
That cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand By Me - nobody knows, yeah, God only knows the way it's gonna be

2005-10-10T20:57:00.000+08:00

have you ever had this someone who has this "all talk no action" mentally...well i have...well whoever this person is...you're a disgrace to your own name...you talk so much about this and that and yet you're the one who don't know how to do anything at all...you brag so fu*cking much and you still fu*cking dont know how to do anything...yadayadayad...thats all you do?well i've got something for you...go back to to square one...learn every single basic shit then you can do your yadaing...cause its damn irritating when people say things and dont use their fu*cking heads...picture this person with a fishing rod and he doesnt know how to fish...ok well he may learn from observing...but this someone dont even have a damn fishing rod...oh well go figure...and to the fisher...dont tell me what to do...or what i should do...or compare people....cause you're no better

2005-09-27T14:22:00.000+08:00

ok i'm feeling rather random now...anyways i had a great time at open sunday...its damn good to see everyone again...altogether...people like matt,ben,andre,nigel,angela,annabel,jeanette,victoria,enuice,andrew,edgar , and melvin and gang...its been awhile since i have been chatting with them...rather weird if i started a random conversation...haha but i still miss the good old days when we conferenced on the phone...with annabel's banana joke,angela's really really sian voice,wen xin's highness,matt's whose making all the noise and so on...haha those were the days...anyway...have been home rather late this days...chilling with odel and gang...gotta be more focus on studies...seriously...i think someone's nick is refering to me cause...my msn picture is some in slipknot who wears a mask...and the someone's nick is "behind that mask....you're still a loser"....well...no doubt about that i'm one...nowadays i just have very low self esteem...have no idea why...i think i try to hard to be who i want to be...i think i dont seem to be who i was...the friendly me...no more...now whenever i see someone i know i will bow down my head and walk pass as if i didnt know that person...probably because i am ashamed of who i am now....the loser me...dang...this is not even being emo at all if you guys think it is...dont judge me this way...cause i really need someone to be there for me...thick or thin...and the post below this is a song i wrote...take care guys

this is a song i wrote...comments?

2005-09-18T20:46:00.000+08:00

Everytime i look at you you give the warmness that i feel Every heart i gave to was never like you
Everytime i think of you its only love that i feel Every heart that i broke was all for you
And i dreamt of holding you by the light of the moon along the shores of the island telling you,that i~ love you yes,i do ,love you and only you
Everytime when i am down only your smile heals my pain Everytime i close my eyes its only you that i see
And i dreamt of holding you by the light of the moon along the shores of the island telling you,that i~ love you oh yes,i do , love you and only you
Holding on to you,makes me feel for you only you...can bringwho i am in me....

2005-09-18T20:28:00.000+08:00

i think i'm a damn boring person...like seriously...i'm always lost for topics or words...dang...and my life is damn sad...i'm a fu*cking saddist...this few days had its real downs and no ups...i'm fu*cking cranky...i have no idea why i'm like that...maybe...because...of her...oh dang it...i need some advice...or soon enough i'll be away...dreamt of being like the ataris...drive as far as i can go...performing and drinking our hearts out...that i think?can never happen to me...anyways made it through joe's audition....now is practice practice practice till the band battle...hope everything goes well...back to the point...can you guys please tag about my personality...i think i dont know myself...i think i am fu*cking lost...and i have no where else to go...my days are fu*cking numbered...fu*ck it....

2005-09-10T00:59:00.000+08:00

this two days have really brought me out of the depression i was in...i am really really happy now...thanks odel for the advice on the spritual thingy...it really help...no wonder i was only high on the beach...anyways i had loads of fun with douglas,jessyln,evan,odelia,cone,alex,wayne,jairus,joe,phylis,navin,nat,zai,bryan,jun yang and gang....you guys rock man...never had so much fun since...urm well errrr...i forgot...sitting at the dividers of the waves...talking cock...and singing...and just being high...especially disturbing my wild west partner(howdie mate)...hahah this will be an expirence i can never forget...neither will i forget...even though the ah bengs there cannot stop following us...thanks doug for organising if it wasnt for you...there wont be so much fun....sorry for all the problems we created....and to you...i'm over you...like seriously...so have i moved on

2005-08-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

wooooo what a day man....ok 3 accomplishments....ollied off 6 steps off memorial at marina with sprained ankle...boardslide at rail which is in queensway...5 steps constant in queensway...3 bad happenings....still can't do any flip tricks cause of screwed ankle...fell quite alot on hip,back and knees...sounds like my deck's gonna break soon too...hope not...hmmm today all of us got better together...jairus and alex seem to have a nice time together talking about russell peters...we had loads of fun...from city link to queensway to back home...and our drummer junichi harada finally came back from japan...that means we can go jamming again...yay...learnt afew new songs mostly from acdc the band...they are hardcore man..cya you guys and yup the video is fall out boy with the title sugar we're going down

2005-07-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

hey guys....had a good day today man...school was fine as usual...but something really interesting happened...i finally got back on track with my studies...hmmm but i don't really know whether i can be consistent...played basketball again with the media corp people as usual on thursdays...i wasnt really alert probably i was thinking of something or rather someone...after basketball at 9.30...we went to run at bishan park...thats where i decided to train my stamina and get back in shape...yup...hmm its 12.06 now and i can't sleep...thats so many thoughts in my mind...its like an ipod shuffle you dont know what song comes next cause there is no lcd...but when that songs starts playing you'd be surprised...just like me...i tried to sleep awhile ago with yellowcard music...hmmm somehow the lyrics got into me...dont really know how to explain...it pretty much brought back everything that we have done together...and i am still waiting...then the ipod ends its song...to the next track...my band...we're called friday...maybe because we jam on fridays...i prayed hard to god to let us stay together...cause i believe someday we'll be out there...somewhere...this is not just a band that is gonna stay at punk rock...since most of us there are christian...we might glorify god as one...lets just hope it can last as long as it does... thoughts:when i thought i got closer...i actually distant myself...there isnt a choice,there isnt a hope,there is no chase...but i will be there...always waiting

2005-07-04T00:09:00.000+08:00

my grandmother had just passed away not long ago...i feel super super guilty for never spending enough time with her...thats life...you'll never treasure someone untill he or she passes away...but pretty much nothing i can do...but just remeber her...she was...to me...a bubbly person...her laughter was contagious...i remember the only time where i saw her was during her last few days of life and chinese new year...she was alive and kicking during chinese new year....and because she havent seen me for afew years because i didnt wanted to see her for about 3 years already...the first time in 3 years she saw me...she said "finally you came"...and after chinese new year...things began to turn bad...she became sick...and she had cancer...and the next time i saw her was by the hospital bed not long ago before her death...she could not eat...neither could she drink...infront of me is a woman in pain...i cannot bear to watch...i feel like i am a jinx to everyone...for the first time i see her in awhile she had to die...i feel like i caused her death...this pain in my heart lingers...i just feel stupid...can't think of anything to say or do...but i this burden was lifted when the people from church came...people like nigel,jeanette,benjamin,annabel,wenxin,victoria,enuice,jeremy,daniel,valerie,kellyn,edgar showed up...after the service we had at the memorial...me,ben and nigel had a conversation...about what we thought of after life...close to death expirence...and life...no doubt this are the few best friends i have...thank you all for showing up...i was really really surprised...but i am ashamed...i dont even know my grandmother...who she is...what she had done...i just feel sucky now

2005-06-30T23:26:00.000+08:00

hmmm havent been posting alot lately...friends...well i think i have very few good friends but i'm satisfied...i'm one of those people who wont wanna talk much...thats probably why i dont have much friends...its nice to see people back in school...like my buddies doug,card,evan,jairus,wanye...the people from the india trip...satheesh,howen,justin,dale,nadiah,atikah,zai...and the rest...alicia,colleen,audrey,marcus,saravanan,zul,fairus,navins,benson...back to school...today's fine...i finally get back on track with my maths...thats good...after school i went home to sleep...woke up about 7...went down to play basketball with the people from mediacorp...today i was super speedy...hahahah...shooting was off larh...cause it has been awhile since we played basketball..guess life doesnt seem so bad anymore...except...you know what...i guess i pretty worried...for urm yea...but oh well i'll watch as the days go by

2005-06-23T01:03:00.000+08:00

broke my deck

2005-06-18T19:54:00.003+08:00

see what see...

2005-06-18T19:54:00.002+08:00

youth at work

2005-06-18T19:54:00.001+08:00

bryan

2005-06-18T19:54:00.000+08:00

smile

2005-06-18T19:53:00.001+08:00

my gang...don't stare...

2005-06-18T19:53:00.000+08:00

blue tongue joash!

2005-06-18T19:52:00.001+08:00

tired arh!!

2005-06-18T19:52:00.000+08:00

my gang...

2005-06-13T00:45:00.000+08:00

another nice day with the older youths...it was fun...i mean like my usual hangouts are real quiet...they seldom talk...maybe cause we knew each other already for afew years...in my usual hangouts...loads were planned...but none was done...in the older youths group...it seems that all of them have something they are passionate with...like daniel and his guitar...well jeremy and his keyboard and others...it can really look like a real long path...but i would take it...cause thats life...hope god will be there to guild me...i'll pray...well more of today...i realise i could blend in with them just alittle more...i felt...well...with them...not so lost in my own laguna beach...being with them make me realised...yup~ thats where i wanna go...what i wanna be...its quite inspiring though...guess i should be bucking up in studies and music...everytime i think of music it would just start a spark in my mind...then a fire burns and everything in my mind becoming more and more inspiring...which carries me on...that is all i need and of course god...help me be who i want to be...my life is just amazing already since the trip to india...it cannot get better...

2005-06-10T10:08:00.000+08:00

Collide - Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

But I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
You somehow find, you and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

2005-06-09T11:04:00.000+08:00

day 3 back in singapore...it feels so good...the trip was priceless...there were so so much going on...on the first few days it was very hot and humid...nothing really could help...the aircon in the hotel were heaters...and the hotel wont stop having blackouts...but it wasnt that bad we had fun staying in the creepy hotel...the next day we took a train...the train ride was rather long and the train moved backwards...had a good old talk with miss tan and satheesh...when we reached the next train station we had to get on a bus...the bus was also like always hot...the fan blew hot air haha...in the bus....it was very very fun...we had fun shouting yamastay(hello) out of the bus...everyone reacted quite friendly...and so we stopped over at another hotel for a stay...the next day we moved on to another hotel...the bus ride as usual was very entertaining...i started singing the school song and everyone joined in...everyone started singing every other songs untill we reach the next hotel...the next day we started our trek....5 days up in the mountains....i enjoyed it alot...especially the guides who treated like as though we are their children...they are also super sporting...on the last day of the trek...we had a campfire...everyone joined in to dance...and the guides danced as though they were drunk...hahaha memories...after the 5 days of trek...it was rest and recreation...we had to help to build a part of a school...the children there were very cute and friendly...they had very big eyes...so cute!...we played some games...and after that we formed a human chain with the kids to pass on the bricks...we sang along with them while passing the bricks...after that the children all came and crowd around me...hehe...they were sacking above me and punching me haahahah...and there was this chubby boy who gave me his lollipop and pointed at his heart and head...and he said in hindi i will miss you...it was super cool...even a boy his age can know so much...the next few days were just sight seeing and back to singapore...i had a very good expirence with her...thank you...

2005-05-26T23:03:00.000+08:00

i have come to a part of my life where i can't take it no more...thankfully i have my sisters to back me up...i could have died by now....my mom is super sarcastic...but shes super good at it...in fact thats the only good/bad(i dont know how to classify)thing shes good at...sometimes she stabs you damn bad...she would always compare..."why is others so much smarter than you" "are you playing dumb or are you just dumb" "you're not lazy you're just born outta the log"...somebody save me...todays like all crazy...i officially did the stupidest thing i can think of...i broked the glass window....now i am bleeding...i can't take it no more...my parents are quarelling just because of cash...does it really matter??...for the past few years of my life...its money's thats my best friend and worst enemy...but there aint no solution to it....this sucks

2005-05-23T00:14:00.000+08:00

today was very very fun...church was okay...just that i felt really sleepy...dont really know why....guess i just didnt sleep well for the pass few days...i was with dianel,esther,sis and issac at dinner...haha they are the coolest people i can hang out with...although i seemed abit younger....considering their like in their 20s...i tried abit to catch as much as their talking...there were things that we talked about that my sis never knew...after that dianel drove us to taka...on the way...we were listening to ataris...wow...their one hell of a good band...dianel also drove us to jeremy's favourite spot...what was amazing was the cars...even though i dont really know much about them it is super nice...and so we dung the car in the carpark and went shopping...window shopping...today kept seeing rooster the new band on advertisement...i like staring at the sun...go download hahahah...today was super fun...can't wait to go out with them again

2005-05-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

dang...i'm super depressed...i dont even know whether i can take it...my bestest friend is deserting me,i just fell outta love,my parents being super biased,ah bengs are finding problems with me,i can't skate,my ankle is fucked...i dont seem to be me no more...i just feel like a nobody....i cant do anything about it...everything just seems to put me down....and i mean everything...dang... nobody knows how this feels...this is like extreme....i'm going paranoid,i think i'm not gonna make it...theres not even a solution,fuck it...i hate my life so much,is there anyone....anyone out there,that can show me some love...i'm begging it to happen....even god gives up on me...i'll just give up...

2005-05-04T21:40:00.000+08:00

hey school was okay today...thanks to johnathan i had a great laugh...feel so much better now...my ankle's healing real fast...tried a kickflip...landed...no doubt theres still pain...you know how much it hurts seeing someone you like....being around some other guy...it just stabs you hard in the heart...its like theres no solution to problems like this...you'll just sit and watch as it goes by...theres nothing you can do...but feel all bad inside...thinking "why didnt i made the first move" "why can't i talk openly to her like whats he's doing"...guess thats my life...no life...well i'll just wait for my answers to kick in itself...and hopefully its good...i pray hard it would be...going to hymalayas real soon...its goona be a real real good expirence...another 24 days to go...i can't wait...gonna do a video diary on it...hopefully i can show it to you guys...god...show me the way,the light and the truth...tell me my rights and wrongs...tell me where i will be...show me your mercy...forgive me for the things i've done...thank you...and for you...i hope you'll be back real soon...

2005-04-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

today super fun lor...hahahaha...first we went to youth park...we...was....card,zach,me,alex,jairus...i landed my fs 180 off the stage...tried to kickflip off the stage a couple of times...the best was that i landed but i landed shifty...which was crooked and i fell off the deck...after that the people whom usually skate there often and we dont know...they asked us if we wanted to go to cdb...that is the raffles mrt...to skate...when we reached i got to ollie of the 2 and 3 steps...after that the police came...we got to run in time...lol...and we ran into the toilet...then when the police cleared off...we came out to skate again...not long after that...the police came again...so we ran all the way from raffles cbd to city link...skate there for awhile...landed a kickflip up ramp..and then we went to suntec...the roof on top...my friends bought laughing gas...and me being sporty tried it...if you tahan it your head will spin...if you dont tahan you will laugh like crazy...hahahaha...blogging is never fun unless you expirence it in real life...tata

2005-04-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

hey today was very boring...i went with alex and wayne to penisula plaza in noon to buy alex's deck...when we reached there...he went to choose his deck,which was the inc one...quite nice...the pop very nice,the concave also very round,the deck was hard and durable also...me and wayne feeling alittle bored while alex was waiting for his trucks to convert from on deck to another...so we walk around the shop...found that shirt that i wanted quite long ago...yea and so i bought it,wayne bought the famous cap...quite nice...black and white trucker....after that went to pizza hut to eat...and after that i went for church...reached quite early...so had to wait awhile till it start...the songs today were magnificent...the combination of all the songs i adore...after worship came message,message was good,at least i thought it was...the speaker was super cartoon...after church i took matthew's car back home...today learnt quite afew tabs...the anthem,i'm not okay,hold on,cute without the e...super cool...gtg guys cya!

2005-04-12T21:11:00.000+08:00

hey guys gonna blog quite regularly nowadays....loads of exciting things are happening nowadays...hmmm where should i start...hmmm life so far has been a great expirence....lets talk about this year...first i got hit by a skateboard in the head...then everyone around starts acting weird...dang that is super bad...i dont wanna be deserted...this days i go to church like as though i'm a block of wood...my trips there are too routined...its like i go to church for the sake of going...nobody really talks to me anymore...i feel so...so...far from lonely...somebody please save me...today was kinda bad i went to youth park to skate...i got a hump on my of injury...i can't walk...it hurts so so much...dang how to take 2.4 tmr...just have to tahan...made a new friend today...he's a malay skater...not bad...quite good...tried to learn varial flip today but can't land then i just gaved up....cause i was super fed up...so haiz just go home...2005 is quite a bad year...first it was the forming of the sin ming crew then the falling of the sin ming crew...i got hit...i got injured very often...loads of fights occured...can't make relationships right...whats next...probably something waiting on me....i guess this is the best time to write my will...

2005-04-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

today is such a bad day...however it made me closer to god...thats good....woke up about 10 this morning....had my breakfast at 11 and met douglas,wayne and alex at the coffee shop at 1...and after that we all went to my place....actually it was suppose to be the day to rest since we've been skating hard for a week...but when alex received a msg from christopher asking us to skate....we dashed down with our decks...skating on flat land is BORING...thats when we decided to go back to my place to just...well watch some tv...after awhile the skating feeling came back...so we went down again...while we were there eddie came and taunt at us...fortunately i could give in...yea i was pissed but i didnt lay my hands on him...god pulled me back...my dad saw what happen while walking back...he asked me...why didnt you give him a piece of yourself...he told me he knew my nature...he asked me why i was acting weird...and i answer...god...then i smiled...after that my dad confronted eddie and had a good old talk with him...its pretty amazing how someone hits you and you can forgive him for what happen...probably i'm just stupid to forgive him anyway...after that i actually talked to my parents in a adult manner...this was the first time and i enjoyed it...i pray and i pray to be more humble...stop acting cool...stop being like a jerk...loosen that screw and open up.... and for you i'm sorry that i made that decision...i hope i'll learn much more than what i have...thank you for the memories...i hope it doesnt end here....and to you wenxin...i'm sorry i shouldnt let anything seperate me from christian faith...

2005-01-03T21:46:00.000+08:00

wow first day of school....hmmm it was rather boring...things went as it should be...as usual i got caught by teachers for uniform....somemore by mdm azizah....abit of introduction about her...she's a very sentimental person....she kept talking about the tsunami attack....kept saying that anytime it can happen to anyone...and she says we must have compassion for the people...and also to put their situation in our own hands...she's quite naggy...however its rather true...i had quite good teachers this year...like mr kor...he's kinda like mdm azizah but less long winded...mr kor gave me a new nick called cockroach(ka cwa)...mr kor is very understanding...he kept telling us...to cherish everything you do for tomorrow will never come...yea thats true...my classmates? hmmm their some that are out going and some that just stone the whole day...but my church friends are still the best...(: after school i went to skate...pongsa came today...he's quite a good skater...i tried to ollie up to decks...barely make it...hmmmm gotta practice more...alex kept falling today on his butt,hips,practically everywhere....hmm and i felt a new level of confidence cause i could ollie up two decks...haiz its like nothing to pongsa...and he told me....i was a noob too...thats who you are...you gotta wait for your time boy...anyways thats all today...cya you guys....pray for tsunami victims,pray for my new year resolutions,pray for my church friends,pray for my friends,pray that god will stop my addiction to the computer and other addictions like playing too much and etc...thank god too...cya guys

2004-11-19T20:56:00.000+08:00

hey guys i am back...benjamin tan wei yuan better becareful!!!!angora alpha's gonna haunt you back...just itching to play captain's ball again...hah...and no way alpha's gonna let you win again...remembering that day at the match...the games we played was so intensed...i remembered....it was the first match we lost...and i told myself...yes i had to win the other games...but i failed to remember what was team work...i played the game alone...the worst thing is that i never remember my female team mates had advantages...they weren't pissed at me though...i didn't know why...even though i played my heart out...it wasn't enough...hah...this event will be a never will be forgotten event...the results were angora omega 1st and angora alpha 4th...for angorians who are reading this...we are gonna play this thursday come and join us.:D

2004-11-12T11:37:00.000+08:00

hi guys...itz been awhile since i blog...anyways i am going to camp later today...ldc II for boys brigade...haiz....wonder what will happen...will i be like sotong as usual or will i fair the best...i hope i would be able to escape the officer that is inspecting hair...anyways the holidays has been rather lazy...and WET...it can't stop raining...hope it doesn't rain throughout the camp...i went out with yi cheng yesterday to buy equipment for the camp today...he kept insisting he should treat me to a movie cause i accompanied him to buy the equipment...so we went to watch ladder 49...its a damn good movie...hope today will be a good day for me...see you all once i get back from the camp...take care guys

2004-10-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

everything in my life is changing...it has turned...bad...real bad...my friends...they changed...alex...if you are reading this please...i want the old lame iverson...not the person who ignores his friends...used to have nice memories...of the whole group staying over at my house taunting the night till the next morning,getting scolded by the grandfather downstairs,laughing at our silly mistakes,cycling through the night...life just doesn't seems to be...when there is no friends...whatever it is...grudges...are to be forgiven...money seems like a bigger note than friendship among my group nowadays...with money....they just seemed satisfied...without money....not even a word...i can't stand people whom are like that...especially one of my friends...if friendship is sentimental...you won't be letting a alittle stud break the friendship...i feel so betrayed....so...so...so...betrayed.....

2004-10-11T19:28:00.000+08:00

haiz just woke up....today well was such pain....first i slept at 1am last night when my sis helped me with maths and i woke up at 5am revising,than when i reached school i had this unbearable gastric...after the exam...i went home,we all decided to play lan at extreme,but before that we played 6 on 6 against bishan park secondary 4 people,they played like fighting in a war,i got elbowed in the chest at least 6 times,they push me when i was going to make a basket,darn after that i went home and decided not to go play lan because the pain was unbearable,and i was running a fever,its super horrible,now so weak...darn somemore exam period...

2004-09-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

today was quite fun even though we had english exam...the exams were okay....i hope i can pass my english well...quite confident...after the exam i hung out in school for awhile than decided to go home...well tomorrow's the chinese exam...oh how much i hate chinese...anyways when i reached home...jairus and alex came to my place...and we decided to go biking even though it was raining...it was super fun...jun came along too....haha we stopped at japanese association and jun went in to buy some stuff...after that we raced back...me and jairus reached first....haha so lame....like small kids...hope god can see me through my chinese exams tomorrow....

"The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall i be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

2004-09-28T18:51:00.000+08:00

today's super slack...school...well...can't enjoy it...my geography teacher can't stop wasting her periods on lecturing us...she keeps making her sercastic remarks....and the worst thing is she has to do it indirectly....which takes up more time...well although many people hate her...i like her...all she needs to do is come in and teach...and if the class is in a mess....any teacher would stop teaching...but she is consistent...and not only that...she helped me pass...very well(: ....well people nowadays just don't appreciate what they have...anyway....the weather was kinda bad today...wanted to play basketball but it started to rain right after school and i had to ran down from school to the bus-stop...sad....and studies are slacken...sigh sigh sigh....hope god will grant me consistency for two more weeks....cya guys around

2004-09-22T21:12:00.000+08:00

Only one-Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

[till the end of my life there will be only one]

2004-09-22T20:04:00.000+08:00

oh darn i hate telling people what to do when their wrong....but the words just spill itself...sometimes your friends become real cocky and you can't stand them???yea thats what happened to me...they just think their always right...and you don't wanna hurt their feelings or start a fight...oh man...i can't talk behind my friends like that...sometimes being a christian means having self-control but i don't think i have it...i just suck at being a good friend...and after jairus had done...i told him off...we were actually playing match and he wasn't showing the serious attitude...darn...me and my big mouth...he brought me into basketball...he improved me in everyway...he forced me to join the school team...and i told him off...screw me man!screw me! anyways today was rather boring...school was like a mess...and basketball??thats when the "can't stop mr cocky" thing start...oh well today's today...hope tomorrow will be better....only you.....god...can make it....cya guys

2004-09-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

haha i shall blog about my trip to mount kinabalu....well i loved the trip so much as i loved the company of the 5 other friends....day 1 was pretty slack...we reached the rest house about 7 in the night and ate dinner and went to sleep...till day 2....we started the journey to the mountain....while hiking...sometimes....i really did want to give up...but god kept me going...whenever i was exhausted he provided me a rest hut...after about 5 hours of trekking...we reached the rest house at the 3/4 mark to the submit....when i reached the rest house i ran into the bunk and started to rest...till day 3...we continue the 6 km to the top of the mountain.....again there was a huge temptation to give up...and there was miss tan...she reminded me how jesus had given himself...i was than again motivated...till the very last point which was another 1 km away from the submit....my legs were telling me to give up...and there was that beautiful sun rise...i was tempted...i ranned up part of the submit and than walked the rest...there i saw...something i've never ever seen before....something that i was on the peak for...and something i had no patience to wait for...the view of the sunrise on top of the mountain...i was amazed by god's creation...after that we came down from the mountain and went to a hotel....i loved the stay which we stayed up till the next day...with the 5 of the most hilarious bunch of looneys...than back to sunny singapore...the expirence was unforgetable...so is the view....hope next time you'll be the one with me up there....

2004-08-31T23:39:00.000+08:00

back blogging...today was fine...except for mount kinabalu training...it was tough...anyways....i learnt something real important today...its pretty common in our everyday life...when you're getting high...and your ego boosts...you can be real irritating...espeacially if you're not very appealing to people...people will just hate you when they don't know you well enough....i was in the hall...watching some concert for teachers day...and they started singing a song named an jing by jay chou...and some "not very appealing" people started commenting about how awful they sang...to those "not very appealing "people...if you think you can do it better than them prove it....if you can't shut up...cause i personally think the concert was ok....and a malay girl was singing an jing...i was pretty impressed...and i admired the sec ones for their guts...well....thats human nature...you can't change overnight but at least be considerate to people whom are enjoying the concert....

2004-08-29T23:00:00.000+08:00

wha....didnt blog fer afew days already...anyways....today was kinda good....itz quite rare for me to say this....everyday is a big bum day for me...woke up at 12 today...watch a show on mtv at 1.30....itz a reality gameshow....so this reality gameshow...features 12 basketball players..the strongest of them all will win 100,000 bucks...i like this player by the name of terell...woooo! his skills are the best....after the show i went to church....during children ministry the kids today so good...we had games...they enjoyed themselves alot...the smiles on their faces made me very satisfied...itz like an encouragement for me...and it brightens up my day...after church i went back home...we played afew matches at the basketball court...and started toggling with the new digital camera my dad bought yesterday...haha we strucked alot of moves....want the videos....???....ask from me...i send to you guys online....

2004-08-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

today was super boring...first 3 periods was d and t slack all the way man...than selva wanted to do common test after recess...saw mrs yoong at staff room than she wanted me to do common test also haiz ....after school went back home...felt super weak again than slept...till like 6 than had an urge to play basketball...when i reached the court the 7 month ghost festival thingy was set up so cannot play...saw jairus...than was talking about what we are going do when we grow up...for me the best is to be national basketball player...but the thing is i not willing to make that commitment...*sit down and prays...*all i ever need now is commitment....thats all i want and all i ask for...after that...when home to be my good boy...studied for science test

2004-08-22T20:35:00.000+08:00

things are back to normal now...except for the hatred for my sister....she refuses to believe everytime when my parents quarrel,its because of her...arh heck i don't care no more...anyways we got a drummer for our band itz field!...wooo but the spelling for his name is weird...haha i thought it was phill...but nvm....woo got drummer...now our band is filled with guitarists...today was quite ok....i was too weak to go to church...haiz....i slept for awhile after watching some basketball reality tv show....it inspired me to play....so i played against...field,jairus and joshua....i win most of it...i guess if i can see that show everyday it will inspire me to play my best...crazy leh so weak today still can play basketball...haiz..back to school tomorrow....

2004-08-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

aw man i am super sick today...it was 6 when i decided not to go to school...i was trying to crawl out of my bed which i eventually did...went to see a doctor...than i went home and slept again till like 6 than i went down to play basketball....i didnt even know what was i thinking...and i rejected christopher lee's ball....woooooooo that felt good...me,jairus,daryl(2e5),his bro and jun...were playing against the mediacorp artist....haiz but we lost...7:5...haha and now i am sitting at home with blisters cause i played barefooted....wooo rejected christopher lee...wooo!

2004-08-10T20:22:00.000+08:00

i just realise something....when you start getting pissed at a particular person...and he or she finds out...he or she will try to throw excuses at you to just simply make them innocent...i think thats super immature...if you did something...well admit it...it aint as though when you admit what you did...the world will tumble...itz a human nature to push the blame...AND TO NIGEL TEO!!! YOU DO NOT NEED A PERSON TO SHUT YOU UP BEFORE YOU PISS HIM OFF!D.I.Y(DO IT YOURSELF!)know when to joke and when to be serious...if you do it 24/7 that shows you are simply pathetic...you do not have basic E.Q....if you can't control go find your doctor...i apologise for the disgusting act of being sercastic...

2004-08-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

yesterday i was damn pissed...matt,nigel and andre can't stop talking about her...and nigel had to make it so darn obvious!!darn...haven't you have enough of your fun already...i was so damn pissed till dorick,jade,jon,mike and alvin came to my house...haha we played super smash brothers while jade was babysitting my sister...dorick and i finally showed our skills...he lost to me 3:1 because NESS sucked...and all the time mike and jon were commiting suicide while the brothers dorick and alvin both can't give up....today...well it sucks...so boring....went to play basketball...felt that i was really really weak and lazy guess i had flu...i saw calvin...so darn long never see him already....anyways today is juz so bored...national day somemore...i wanna see singapore idol...haha see the lemon tree guy**"i wonder the how...i wonder why!!!"**hahahahhahahh....

2004-07-25T20:49:00.000+08:00

i saw another show today...itz about the aftermath of the nicoll highway collapse...this kid was a son of someone who made a choice to save people trapped inside...and he gaved his life....the boy said "why....why did it have to be my dad...but i keep telling myself...it is reality...nothing i can do to change it...it might be wrong to give his life so soon without thinking of my family....but it was right to save everyone else..."...when i heard that....i showed alot of sympathy to the family...in a way i think theres always pros and cons....but your decesions must be right....like the contractor....he gaved his life just to save 5 others...well frankly i wont be doing that....but after what the boy said...he changed my life...and god spoke to me...he said...you will be going to heaven...what will you be afraid off...but when you dont save the others...you are not giving them a chance to go up to heaven...cause they might not know god...if you were to come up to heaven with me...i would watch over your family and you shall await them in heaven...leave the world with no worries at all because you have me...this made me assured that death is nothing at all...itz an immigration up to heaven to meet who you want to see all this years...but as we are still living and reading my blog...please do! cherish everything you have in this world because when you go up to heaven you'll be doing the waiting again...not for jesus because you are with him but for your love ones....

2004-07-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

today woke up quite late....went for bb...today promotion day....gotten adventure badge stage 1 and 2...gotten lifeskills stage 2...gotten sports man...this year get very less...alamak howard super biased larh...he promote those who are over aged for their ranks never promote the squad leaders and assitant squad leaders...anyways after that me,jairus,jun and josh went to paragon to see the yi cheng and gang performing for charity...but i went for awhile cause abit boring mahz...so we went to lido to watch I,ROBOT...wha that movie totally make no sense...itz just the actions in the movie thats cool...hmmm i think jaywalkers will be bigger and better...watch out

2004-07-23T20:53:00.000+08:00

hey hey damn happy today...i had training....today skill not so bad during training there were lots of lousy shots...but when i reached home...we played with anson,the damn pro guy and elton...i was with jairus and alex...before i came...anson was teaching jairus some skills...than when i came i suggest to play a match...than i told my teammates to play communication....meaning more talking...we won anson and gang quite well...the 3 pointer by me and jairus and the jumper by alex...wha it rawks....after the match the other team left...so it was left with me jairus and alex....we were discussing on bringing jaywalkers(former team) back....our skills all improved tremendously....we used to play in the japanese tournement....we lost very often and got eliminated very fast...but i guess we are ready now...YESA!the team is coming back....

2004-07-13T22:16:00.002+08:00

today is a wonderful day...when i watched a child's hope II a few days ago....and well there was a commercial...this little kid had diabetes and he had to have an injection everyday....and it was two times a day...when his mother prepares the jab...you can see his face...a face of pure sadness...in a way i feel for him...is like we are much much more fortunate than the kid...and we do not know how to appreciate things that people do for us...therefore this post is for everyone....i am grateful that i have everyone....thank my sister for bringing me to church...thank valerie,diana,benjamin,terrence,boon hock,andrew,melvin,alvin,dorick,titus,rachel,jade for always being good role models...thank angela,annabel,matthew,jeanette,andre for letting me share my problems with...thank benson lim and benson poh for always shouting at me in the court to help me grow...thank cheryl,helaine,yan xuan and howard for always letting me share my problems...thanks for everything...those not in the list is much as appreciated as the ones listed...thank you for being a part of me...

2004-07-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

Now that you're here-Hillsong

I stand before You, Lord
And give You all my praise
Your love is all I need
Jesus, You're all I need

My life belongs to You
You gave Your life for me
Your grace is all I need
Jesus, You're all I need

Hold me in Your arms
Never let me go
I wanna spend eternity with You

And now that You're near
Everything is different
Everything's so different, Lord
And I know I'm not the same
My life You've changed
And I wanna be with You
I wanna be with You

And I will sing for You always
'Cause in Your presence God is where I wanna stay

2004-07-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

My Best Friend-Hillsong

Have you heard of the one called saviour?
Have you heard of his perfect love?
Have you heard of the one in heaven?
Have you heard of he gave his son?
Well i have found his love
And i believe and this son
Show me your way

I believe in the one called saviour
I believe his a risen one
I believe i will live forever
I believe that the king will come
Cause i have found his love
And i believe in his son
Show me your way

Jesus,you are my best friend
you will always be
nothing will ever change that!

I believe in the one called saviour
I believe his a risen one
I believe i will live forever
I believe that the king will come
Cause i have found his love
And i believe in his son
Show me your way

Nothing will ever change that

2004-07-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

To the ends of the earth

Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all You are

And I would give the world to tell Your story
Cause I know that You've called me
I know that You've called me
I've lost myself for good within Your promise
I won't hide it
I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God.

2004-07-12T19:35:00.000+08:00

Anthem of our dying day

The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
Here I am pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
Thats exactly,
Exactly what I need...

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem of our dying day...

For a second I wish the tide will swallow every inch of the city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face if you were here
Cause then I wont miss a beat cause I never,
Never have before...

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem of our dying day...

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
OF OUR DYING...

For a second I wish the tide would swallow every inch of this city
As your gasped for air tonight...

2004-07-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

arh so pissed so pissed so pissed...whenever my sis is angry with me...she'll have to drag HER into the conversation...always trying to threaten me...what the hell...every woman in my family is famous for...in-everything-i-do-....-right-or-wrong-i-have-to-win attitude...i mean why did she had to talk about HER when we quarrel...everything also my fault...itz not fair...and my mom is damn pissed with me...everyone is...screw me...screw me...guess i'll be joining the "life sucks" gang....

2004-07-09T16:31:00.000+08:00

sorry for not blogging...guess i am too sad to post anything....2nd match round 1 we beaten bartley secondary by a mere 4 points...thats one of the days where the team show alittle more confidence...2 days after was a match with bendeemer we lost by 21 points cause the team moralle was since-i-won-bartley-theres-no-way-we-will-lose mindset...its all the about your brains...you dont need brawls to win a match...on the last day we were against pei chai...the greatest challenge...we leaded the first and second quarter...than die in the 3rd...and lived alittle while in the 4th...nigel had alot of passes but he juz couldnt force through peichai...and so we lost by 11 points...and the coach said we played well in the 1st and 2nd quarter...well there i learn another thing is endurance...live to play the game...well there goes whitley kicked out of the tournement just like that...basketball is all about your brains and your endurance...well just hoping that i will make it into b division next year...

Back Home-Yellowcard

2004-06-30T20:15:00.000+08:00

Back Home-Yellowcard

Don't know
What I was looking for when I went
I found me alone
Sometimes
I need someone to say, you'll be alright
What's on your mind?
But the waters shallow here
And I am full of fear
And empty handed after two long years

Another sunny day in California
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance to feel it

Back home
I always thought I wanted so much more
Now im not too sure
Cause sometimes
I miss knowing someones there for me
And feeling free
Free to stand beside
The ocean in moonlight
And light myself a smoke beneath
The dark atlantic sky

Another sunny day in California
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance to feel it

Everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line
Tearing lives apart breakin lots of hearts just to pass the time
And the eyes get red in the back of your head
This place will make you blind
Put it all behind me and I'll be just fine

Another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky
Sometimes I wish that it would rain here
And wash away the west coast dreamin from my eyes
There's nothing real for them to see here

Another starry night in California
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance to feel it

2004-06-28T21:36:00.000+08:00

whitley lost to acs baker 40:35....arh!!!what the hell is wrong with us...well probably everything...we leaded 15 points in the second half and we juz blindly let them catch up...we lost in mental...we had no fighting spirit...too anxious...and our key player had to be shooting all the while instead of driving in or passing...sprained my ankle REAL badly cause nigel fell on me....and when he was standing up he told me there was a very loud sound of the sprained ankle...gotten drive in the chest afew times...gotten hit at the back afew times too...anyways all i gotta do now is hope for recovery and pray to god and hope that he'll get me back in good condition and pray that the team will leave the negative thoughts...and lastly to not get us too anxious

2004-06-21T12:55:00.000+08:00

back from church camp...it rawks except for the beds and the sermon...whats wrong with the sermon...he only emphasized on one point of purity of life...and the subject was porn...what the hell is wrong with him...yes the purity of life is not to involve adultery...yes he could have juz said that....he dont have to be sooooo damn specific about the topic...he spent half and hour of our time talking about porn...well other than that the games were fun...day 1 was soccer captain ball...loved it though we didnt win...day 2 water bomb fight...that rawk big time...day 3 treasure hunt...i was guarding one of the station...it was quite fun...thanks for everyone that made me feel at home...thank the comitee members...last of all thank the mentors!

2004-06-15T15:30:00.000+08:00

didnt blog for some many days already...anyways...darn my basketball skills deprove damn greatly i can concentrate cuz of the tension given by everyone haiz...must make it!!!!!anyways today had training...went badly...

2004-06-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

i am back!!!!!well i enjoyed the camp alot...we climbed mount gunung panti...it was very fun however it was also very tiring...i thought to myself...why am i climbing this mountain...for all the obstacles place before me...itz the submit...with a wonderful view from the top of the mountain...than when i reached the submit i had a sense of satisfaction...than the second day we had to sleep in tents it was a terrible expirence...we slept till like five plus am and it started pouring...our tents got soaked pretty badly...and we had to move outta it...the third day we gotten to sleep in bunks it is of course more comfortable than the first day...and in the night we had a night walk...we saw a whole lotta stars and the moon rise(hmmm sounds weird)...it was amazing...however i wished that SHE was there with me...haiz sigh sigh sigh...well thats about the camp...i am so darn grateful i am back sitting in my chair typing my expirence cuz i dun wanna be in malaysia no more....and today we won bartley secondary in a friendly match 71:68...damn great improvement from the chong cheng sec which was 94:40...