Saturday, May 16, 2009
STEPPING OUTTA THE PAST!!!
hmmmm i guess i just need to put my thoughts into words,disclaimer guys,im not my emo self hahahaha but ya,it all comes from the heart...i guess im really sick,sick of not achieving anything in life...see most people work hard,for what the want,they have endless goals and targets,different races to run....me?hmmm somebody told me...that i think you are a person whose happy-go-lucky from the outside,but you're pretty empty inside...this person could not have gotten me better...well im lacking in a lot of things,but if theres one thing that im lacking in,it is a goal.Well i was never brought up to set a goal,but really i was never really brought up by anyone but myself...my parents were constantly working in the pursuit of creating a comfortable and happy home for the family...i can never blame them...where would my ipod,my laptop,sally and the rest of the stuff come from...i've never worked towards a goal because i've only gotten to know what it is when i was older...so every time im faced with something i dislike to do,i would try my best to get out of the situation,whether it was skipping school,not doing homework or telling a lie...well i didnt know i spent so much effort into running away that i could have used all the energy to actually do something with my life...i was young,i was naive and i was being promoted everytime...there was no wake up call...so i continued and every time i ran away it became alright,to do the things i do,like i've lost my rational side of thinking...i was then,unable to weight the consequences or the pros and the cons...years pass and time flew by...i am now 19,and i am behind...and im late...for the train that every single 19 year old is taking,i missed the one that the 18 year olds are taking...and now i've to take the ride with people who are 2 years younger than i am...its an awkward feeling,its not so much as a culture shock,but its demoralizing...its demoralizing to meet people,its demoralizing to know people,its demoralizing to converse with people...its demoralizing that if ever i will have children i've got to tell them my story and always say,dont be like daddy...its demoralizing that when i do have kids and when i get into an argument with them,they would say,you done that as well...if only i could go back in time...nope,i dont have to...cause i've got God,and God is all i need,SURE,he will not turn back time,but i am looking at whats ahead...i am not letting my past experiences bound me down,im letting them go...i dont have to stuff myself with self pity,i dont have to care about what others say about me,cause if they loved me,they would be supporting me not tearing me down...and if they didnt like me,im not to please everyone,but im pretty sure theres only a small percentage...hahahaha,im just kidding...well yes i admit,im pretty prone to saying things that are stupid,i laugh a tad bit too loud sometimes and i can be more annoying than i am interesting hahahahah,i am pretty much a boring guy...but ya i have more things to offer than my inequities...HAHAHAHAA,you guys are like...ya whatever that pleases you lah dude...hahaha but ya,im willing to listen to anyone...im kaypoh enough to want to know...hahahah but no i dont just want to hear it,i want to share it with you whether its pain or its joy,im just like that,created a social animal to help,straight up....no strings attached...i dont have any reason to want to do it as well...it is built in me...HAHAHHAHA,i dont know what this post is for,and im not addressing myself to anyone at all,okok maybe you....im not trying to buy you over with my story,but im just bored on a friday night...wanting to pour my heart out to a blog some didnt know existed,haha...anyways i've overheard two guys talking about something and that one dude was saying"wow,shes like not superficial at all,shes real and shes down to earth,she makes a pretty good friend"then i was like BOOM!!!!,this is what singapore needs,people who dont judge you by your grades,people who enjoys being with you for who you are not what your grades make out of you...im not saying that people who have good grades turn out like that but if they are not like that they are more respectable...i know afew(:(:people who are REAL...who have REAL problems...if we were born to this earth to be judged,we would have looked like fishes in the market,but we are not...sometimes people go around picking out people from the crowd like eh this girl's face like my ah ma making rempak,WHOA MAN!!!,whose anyone to judge,God dont even call us ugly...hahhaha but its pretty true....what im getting at is dont let your ego get ahead of you...theres nothing to prove by putting someone else down...which of these do you take with you to heaven,or to hell if the electric storm were to take all of you??Your looks?your certificate achievements?your possessions?your assets?God wont judge you by that and yes im still saying im not saying that their not important...God looks into your heart...sure,you may say you know....i've got lots of time to change that,im enjoying life,i dont have to start now...and i've got better things to do with my life at this point of time...ask yourself...what are you living for...cause life will really be cheap if you measure it by your possessions,your assets,your looks...life is more than that,and life is a blessing,to you and you are a blessing to the world...so start blessing,start living life like how God wants you to,a life of encouragement,of love,of understanding and of peace of mind to everybody...you only get to live once and do it well with gusto,and with praise in the Lord...if theres one thing i've learnt in perth this would be it...through the people,through their lives,through God...please dont be shy at all to acknowledge you've read this,after all,its just me,i would love to talk about this in person,about your views and about your ideas...and remember,im made to be kaypoh and its built in me!!hahahaa if you've made it through to the bottom,thanks for reading...and talk to me so you dont have to read such a long post next time hahahhaha,again it may very well seem like a post to try to make myself feel better,it maybe...
exitmusic; Wednesday, December 10, 2008
yes im officially the biggest fool in the world...i should have known better...than to be on auto pilot while sharing...it was insensitive,immature and just very dumb...i wish i could turn back time...but im assuming its something that God wants me to learn from...why??cause i've been running on auto pilot for too long...saying things that i dont mean...letting my mouth go free without thinking....its time to be sensitive,its time to start thinking about what i wanna say before letting it out...when somebody said,speaking quickly without pauses is not always accurate...i now know fully the meaning of it...i think it is the biggest regret in my life and i have never felt more of an arse before...like i've said....God loves to deal with me with pain...and he should be doing it....yes cause that always works...like the time i was hit in the head for being cocky and egoistic...yes i deserved it and that time i didnt do well in my os...yes that i deserved too...God is wonderful...because he knows just how to deal with me...even though it hurts a great deal...but because of these hurts in life that it actually builds me up...its my cry out to you God...help me deal with all these troubles that are ahead...and give me a tongue of sensitivity,kindness and encouragement...anyway about the camp...i truly enjoyed myself this camp...it has revealed to me things that i never knew and im glad i was there to see all these happenings...its a pity that we dont have so much rest and recreation to catch up with part of sparkers...it was some 2 years ago...those were good times that i really treasured...all that randomness,name games,captains ball,late night conferences and birthday celebrations...and now its being reduced to not even speaking to each other...hope this holiday...God may give us the opportunity to catch up with each other...if anything i have taken away from the camp its time to convict and be consistent with God...he has been real to me and bless me with a whole lot...its time,time to do something about it and to readers please pray for me....hahah balderdash is a super awesome game...its taken board games to another level...I.A.W.P.R can turn out to be iced agar with poached rabbit...or i am walrus please rescue or i am writing pure rubbish...hahaha it was honestly so good a laugh i thought i built abs...its camps like this i learn to appreciate what the church has done,putting in years of hardwork into it to create such a wonderful community...im glad that i've found God again...if not i really do not know what i would have become...
exitmusic; Monday, August 11, 2008
i blame it on my guts...or is it something else
exitmusic; Monday, July 28, 2008
wooo...im now officially the happiest person for the moment...haahha...why? you may ask?!?!...never done so well for maths and all the other subjects...although i took the common test today...im pretty confident and theres no need to wait till the results to be revealed to me...hehehe...so egoistic...oh well...that aside...yesterday was a super horrible day not because of church but the ride home after church...mom wont stop putting me down,and the worst of all its that when she went into frenzy mode...she'd keep going and became more and more blunt...how is it not humiliating for your own mother to be criticizing and putting you own infront of another family...i was pretty happy with myself that i didnt rebuke or rebel...after the sleep last night...the agony and anger subsided...if theres anyone who doubts me...especially a particular someone that was mentioned...know this for a fact that im trying...if you dont come home and see me studying...thats your fault and not mine...cause i'd be already sleeping...so dont make accusations,false assumptions and openly tell people what is not true...who in the world would put their own children down...i know if i were a father...i wouldnt...there is a super uber duper thick line between discipline and discouraging...thanks for nothing...and i hope you'd put away that other half of you thats sarcastic,irrational and unethical...before...oh well...and to YOU...THE PARTICULAR SOMEONE NOT MENTIONED ABOVE...ITIMY
exitmusic; Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Come a long way but have yet to move an inch
long time no blog....heehehe...well im getting a macbook!!!weeee...finally the time to be laying down some new tunes...talk about time...im a good 2 months away from my o levels...uh huh the second time...well im just glad i've got the chance to redeem myself...not too long ago i remember the agony of not doing too well...i knew it after the papers...but i was in denial...thinking i could at least make it through...but well...thats not the case for me..its pretty much a blessing in disguise...i've been scraping through life too many times...and its God's way of telling me..."LOOK BOY,ALL THESE WILL HAVE TO STOP,SO GIMME YOUR BEST..",well ok he's probably not that funky but im sure its a wake up call alright...i remember after the very moment i collected results...i was worried,no,more like paranoid...that feeling is like walking on the plank...and just not getting off it...it was 24/7...i was so scared i could have cried like a girl...but being the man i was(hahhahahah)...i knew something should be done and i just cant give it all up...i thank God for my friends...whom came up with so many options for me...but well i chosed to retake my o levels...based on the fact that i knew i've messed myself up and its till to put away that old me and start to strive...well looking back...i feel more motivated than ever...but can that guarantee the same thing wont happen???i'd just have to give my best and i'm gonna always struggle doing that because its easier to be doing your worst than giving your best...so i ask...for all that read...and understood...to pray for my endurance...(: anyway end off with a couple of photos since the last fishing trip with alvin...heehehehhe the biggest thrill we got was that alvin's rod almost swang off the jetty into the sea due to this huge bite that got away with our bait!!!! 
had i only placed my phone there,they'd probably look smaller than they actually are
Noah,never hesitating when this guys gets hooked up
says who we only got tambans...we got a big lobster...thats darius heheh
exitmusic; Monday, August 13, 2007
AGH!!!!!!!!
IM NOT STAYING FOR LONG...
ITS KILLING ME
exitmusic; Wednesday, June 13, 2007
EVERYBODYS CHANGING AND I DONT FEEL THE SAME....DANG!
exitmusic;